A Filipina's experience with Chinese ge-lai

Ge-lai is hardly heard of among pregnant Filipino women, but the practice has been associated with pregnancy itself among those with Chinese heritage in the Philippines.

I am a Filipina married to a pure Chinese who was born and raised in the Philippines. Marrying Jon also meant embracing his culture. Among them is the traditional practice of ge-lai after giving birth.

I first encountered the term ge-lai when Jon and I were trying to get pregnant. I did not fully understand it then, but it has always haunted me. So when I got pregnant, i finally asked my husband what ge-lai is really about. In reply, he said that it's a post-natal care followed by the Chinese which means that you won't be allowed to bathe for a whole month. That's it! Hmmm, ge-lai does not sound so dreadful after all.

But as my belly grew bigger in the passing months, I learned more about ge-lai that my husband failed to mention (I think deliberately) when I first asked him about it.

Here's my chronicle:

At one month pregnant: All our friends and relatives knew I was pregnant and they were excited and happy for us. Jon's aunts started asking me if I will undergo ge-lai, and I remember very clearly how Jon answered for me proudly, "Yes, she will!" Some approached me with words of luck. They told me I can do it. I must have looked so puzzled and worried that they all seem to reassure me that it's easy and repeatedly say that I can do it.

At two to three months pregnant: Ge-lai includes tea and I love tea! At this time, my mother-in-law had contacted her classmate for some herb concoction for my ge-lai. She also asked her sister based in Dagupan for some ginger. I asked my husband what the herbs are for and he told me casually that it's for my tea. A ge-lai diet includes lots of tea, he said. I thought that's great because I love drinking tea, but my thoughts were only into jasmine tea or the type of teas that I usually drink. I remembered my husband being very happy about it.

At four to five months pregnant: Ha, Jon started to break it to me gently. My baby bump was showing and I was blooming that people thought I was having a girl. In one of my appointments with my OB, I heard the lady sitting across from me talking to her daughter about ge-lai. In my mind, oh, ge-lai again? But I got curious so I eavesdropped. So the mother was telling her daughter that she will not be allowed to bathe for 30 days or even wash her face. When I got home, I asked my husband about it. He said that since I won't be allowed to take a bath, naturally, washing my face won't be permitted too.

At six months pregnant: Baby showers left and right. One of our baby showers was hosted by my classmate. And in that party, the wife of our friend brought up ge-lai again. But this time, her version really scared me. I learned that aside from not bathing for 30 days, in some cases it's even 31 days, you will not be allowed to wash your hands, what's down there (you know what I mean), eat fruits, vegetables, and use the electric fan directly at you. Your outfit is limited to the following: pajama/jogging pants, long sleeves, and socks. And the most shocking of them all is that you will only be allowed to eat black chicken, pigeon, native chicken, pig's trotters, and lapu-lapu soup!

I am a picky eater. My husband would describe my eating habit as either really expensive or downright jologs. Nothing in between. Plus, I'm not really an adventurous eater. So upon hearing this, I looked at my husband with Ling's signature stare (aka Lucy Liu from Ally Mcbeal). He knew he has some explaining to do when we get home.

At home, Jon comforted me and told me that I need to eat all those food so my body will get its warmth back (apparently we lose it during labor) and to balance the yin and yang of my body. With eyes rolling, all I can say was, "Yeah right!"

At seven months pregnant: Rollercoaster ride of emotions. Early contractions started kicking in at this time and I was adviced to take Bricanyl while undergoing a three times a week monitoring via a non-stress test. But we were still very excited since all the baby stuff are in and the decors for the baby's room are done. One month to go and we could finally see our baby.

One afternoon, while decorating the nursery room with my sister Sarrah, I mentioned to her that I will go through the Chinese traditon called ge-lai. A nurse by profession, she was shocked. Being my ate and a very dutiful sister, she searched the internet for more information. She stumbled upon Giselle Sanchez's blog (yes, the comedienne) and it made me realize that ge-lai doesn't sound that bad. Giselle's blog was centered to the benefits of ge-lai for the mommy. But at this point, I still took ge-lai with a grain of salt.

Then,I got scared again. While having dinner at the House of Wagyu, my mother-in-law said that the stuff she ordered from her friend and the ginger from Dagupan have finally arrived. So while enjoying my steak, ge-lai graced us again. The next day, I took it upon me to check-out the stuff she mentioned. I was shocked to see how many and raw they were. I asked my mother-in-law what all the herbs are for? She told me they were called "o-tso tong sim," and that I'll only be allowed to drink that. I can't have water, she said, and my jaw dropped liked Jimmy Carry from the movie Mask.

At eight months pregnant: I started attending lamaze and breastfeeding classes while looking for my "abugado" or a person who is an expert and who may be able to help me talk with my mother-in-law about the whole tradition of ge-lai and how it affects breastfeeding and the baby.

When I heard that I will only be allowed to drink Chinese tea, I acted fast. I got in touch with Medela Moms, a breastfeeding support group, and told them about my concerns. How do I reconcile ge-lai and breastfeeding my child? Here was my email to the group:

1. I am not Chinese, but I am married to one and I will practice ge-lai. 
2. I am determined to breastfeed my baby, but I don't know if the Chinese tea that I will only be allowed to drink would affect my milk supply.
3. I also don't know if the wine they want me to take will affect my milk and my baby.
4. I really want to show my in-laws that I will do my best to embrace their culture, but I need help.

I was so happy and thankful that Miss Beng referred my email to her partner Maricel Cua. Miss Maricel was so nice in replying to my concerns. She said she had the same dilemma and would be very happy to help and assist me with my ge-lai and breastfeeding. Oh, thank you Lord!

Now, onto finding an "abugado."

Jon and I then looked for a pediatrician who is a breastfeeding advocate and who understands ge-lai. My OB, Dra. Anita Poblete, recommended Dra. Joy Ty-Sy. Ate Bessie called the clinic of Dra. Joy and her secretary, Miss Carina, was so jolly and accommodating to us. So we went and visited Dra. Joy. I asked her to be my son's pediatrician and then discussed with her my concerns. I was happy that she said she will help me with my in-laws. She was glad too that I was exerting effort to undergo ge-lai. She assured me that I can take all the herbs, but not the wine. That day, she became my "abugado." She said she will explain to my mother-in-law that I need to drink water (warm water). She also gave me a two-page list of things to buy to help me with breastfeeding which included her recommended soap, lanolin, and feeding bottles. I was impressed and was sure that she was really an advocate of breastfeeding. I was happy! Oh, thank you Lord!

Dra. Poblete then recommended Rome Kanapi for our lamaze class. Miss Rome is really a sweetheart. She is cool, carefree, and knew what she was talking about. We attended her class because I want my husband to see how it was like to be pregnant and undergo labor.

"Alangan naman ako lang mahirapan. Dapat dalawa kami, regardless kung natural o ma-CS ako," I told Jon.

In one of our sessions with Miss Rome, she mentioned that our bones will loosen-up to accommodate the baby. This is were the yin and yang concept of ge-lai became more logical to me. Then, I knew I was ready to embrace ge-lai. But I gave my husband a condition. I told him that he has to eat all the food that I eat, and to make it really yummy. After all, he is a chef. So as my dutiful husband, he made all efforts to comply with my condition.

At nine months pregnant: I was finally at peace with ge-lai

Bothered and upset with ge-lai, my husband treated me for dinner at our favorite resto.

This photo was taken on April 2, 2011. Eight days before our delivery. I was enjoying my goose liver. I was really pampered for a month before I gave birth because I will only be eating ge-lai food after that.

Some herb that I took before giving birth. After drinking this, wapak!

After a three-hour labor, here's Saffron's first breastfeeding session.

My MC Hammer inspired look! I was all covered up. My breastmilk was not affected by the two thermos full of tea (made of prunes and some herbs) that I drink everyday.

Muji socks and my husband's pajama were my BFF then.

Native chicken for lunch.

Native chicken cooked ala soup version.

The famous black chicken (dry version) and my favorite. We do send this as gifts to our friends. They love it too! =)

Sunday treat: steak ala ge-lai by my husband Chef Jon. I am indeed lucky!

Giving Saffron his bath while wearing gloves.

This is me. Bagong ligo! Yehey!

Sample Menu:

Breakfast: 

Oatmeal with chocolate tablea

O-tso tong sim tea

Lunch: 

Black Chicken (dry version)

Lapu-lapu soup

1/2 cup brown rice

O-tso tong sim tea

1 pc Dark Belgian Chocolate (70 to 80% pure)

Snack: 

Crackers or cookies with chocolate coating

O-tso tong sim tea (warm)

Dinner: 

Black Chicken or Native Chicken (soup version)

1/2 cup brown rice

O-tso tong sim tea and warm water

1 pc Dark Belgian Chocolate

I wasn't swollen during my pregnancy, but after giving birth I was. Someone said I should sit on steamed bayabas leaves so I did. The next day, I am back to my old self. It worked for me. 

I am proud to have done and survived ge-lai. They say that because of it, I would live up to 85 years old and on my second ge-lai I would reach 90! Hahaha! But I would not have done this without the love, help, and support of my husband, mother-in-law, Maricel Cua and Beng of Medela Moms, and Dra. Joy. =)

My experience also inspired me and my husband to cook and sell yummy gourmet ge-lai food. Despite the limited selection in your ge-lai diet, you do not have to suffer bad cooking and preparation. Make your experience lovelier with delicious gourmet ge-lai food.

To those who want to undergo ge-lai, but are scared or turned off with the thought of not bathing for 30 days, I am telling you that it will be worth it. I am now as strong as a horse, and I do not get cold as easily as I used to.

If I survived it, so can you. Leave your comments below if you have any questions or need support.

Happy ge-lai!

- Mommy Raquel

Labor pains

Preparing for labor for a first-timer like me meant surveying other moms how theirs went. The usual answer went: "Masakit. Sobrang sakit." As to the degree of pain, that's subject to the listener's interpretation. After several similar answers of "it's painful" in one form or another, watching youtube videos of strangers in labor and delivery seemed inevitable. (Warning: not for the faint-hearted.)

It was only after my mom-in-law recommended that my husband and I attend a childbirth class that some sense finally got to me. There, I learned that early labor pains are not usually as bad as I interpreted and that you could even sleep through it as I did! The pain intensifies during the transition phase, peaks when you are in active labor and about seven centimeters dilated, then it plateaus.

Women shouting and cursing their husbands while giving birth may be true for some, but not for me. My experience was more calm and compose. It left me tried and sleepy during most parts, but every bit of me had a full sense of what's happening, save for the time. I couldn't track the time except for the moment I checked-in at the hospital at 10:10 am, and when I finally gave birth at 3:49 pm. My husband stepped out to eat for some 20 minutes while I was in labor and I thought he was gone for hours! Who would blame me? While my birthing coach was out to eat, my doctor broke my water bag and I transitioned into the most painful part. So I did curse, but only in my mind.

So if you ask me now how giving birth is, I'd say, "Masakit. Sobrang sakit!"

But as I tell my friends, too, "Women have been giving birth to babies since time immemorial. Your body is built to handle the pain."

Happy nine months to our bundle of joy!

Caitlin at birth.

- Mommy Smiley

Get-together with lamaze classmates

It's amazing how Mommy Raquel and I started this mommy blog eight months after we last saw each other during the farewell lunch of our childbirth class. Through emails, texts, and calls, we kept in touch and talked about everyday mommy stuff from breastfeeding to our baby's poop.

Finally, we meet again one Saturday for dinner with our little ones, and we again talked about everyday mommy stuff from breastfeeding to our baby's food this time. But it was a whole lot better talking personally while seeing the daddies play with the babies.

Apart from our husbands, Rosie, Jing, and their daughter Isha also joined us.

Attending the lamaze class was just one of the many adventures the three of us shared together. Apart from being first-time moms, Raquel, Rosie, and I gave birth at the same month and breastfed our babies at least up to six months. Raquel and I are still at it. But we each have different stories to tell regarding our experiences during labor, and our lives after that.

Rosie developed PUPPP, a skin allergy, on her 38th week and had to undergo an emergency C-section when her nails turned purple. Isha was a small baby at around 5 lbs when she was born, but she quickly packed on the weight and she's now the heaviest despite being the youngest among the three babies.

Raquel told us how she had tried to stay away from using an epidural during her labor, but eventually relented when the pain was too much to bear. At that time, she was already dilated by nine centimeters. It was a quick three-hour labor and delivery for her though.

I had a natural childbirth. But unlike Rosie and Raquel who were both prepared with their balls and other lamaze paraphernalia, Jay and I only had ourselves. We may look unprepared, but we managed using the breathing techniques and by keeping calm throughout the six-hour labor and delivery.

Among us, Raquel probably had the most interesting story to tell when she underwent a strict one-month po ge lai diet after giving birth. For thirty days, she was restricted to warm food and drink which also meant no water and bath for her to regain the warmth lost from her body during labor. Just imagine how she managed not to take a bath for a month, and I am sure you'll have lots of questions in your head. And so did we. Did you know that she had to use gloves when she bathes Sam just so she won't have contact with water? How she also reconciled breastfeeding Sam successfully by only drinking mostly tea and not water is one for the book. But enough about that, you'll hear more of her triumphant po ge lai story when she tells us about it on this blog or in any other medium. Wink, wink. =)

Less words, more pictures this time. Oh, and have a merry Christmas everyone!

Mommy Smiley with Caitlin and Mommy Raquel with Sam.

 Jing and Rosie with their daughter Isha.

Mommies' day off. It's the daddies turn to take care of the babies.

Mommies' turn.

L-R: Jon, Raquel, Sam, Rosie, Jing, Isha, Caitlin, Jay, and Smiley. 

 - Mommy Smiley

Attending a childbirth class

If this is your first pregnancy and you are freaked out about the prospect of giving birth then a childbirth class is for you. Its goal is to give you the right tools that you need during pregnancy, labor, and well after you give birth.

The key word here is that it empowers you to fully embrace your pregnancy without the fear of finally giving birth, at least that was my drive when I decided to attend the class and I got that and more.

I attended Rome Kanapi's childbirth/lamaze class held every Saturday morning from 9:00 am to 12:00 noon at the sprawling Ateneo de Manila campus on Katipunan Ave.

Before that, I never had the concept of "pushing" until we actually did some exercises with our hubbies under the supervision of our instructor (NB: not to be practised at home for obvious reasons). That, as well as the breathing exercises, helped me a lot during my labor. It's also true that once in the hospital, you'll likely forget what you learned anyway. But that's what your husband or partner are there for. As your birthing coach, he is expected to provide you with the needed emotional support (yes, you can do it!) and remind you how to breathe effectively and keep your cool (keep you literally cool, too. I've requested to lower the room temperature a dozen times at the delivery room without realizing everyone inside except me was already freezing!)

A childbirth class is also a way for you to network with other moms who may be as, if not more, obsessed as you are at finding the coolest nursing wear, baby products, and everything mommy-and-baby-related information out there.

Should you choose to, your classmates could also become your first line of support since you guys share, more or less, the same birth month. In case you have trouble with your pregnancy or little one, have a totally bewildering experience, or just want something to share and someone to talk to then, apart from your ob-gyne or paediatrician, a good set of childbirth classmates is haven.

Childbirth/lamaze instructor Rome Kanapi teaching Daddy Jon (middle) and Daddy Jay (far right) how to put on diapers.

Childbirth classmates.

- Mommy Smiley